Writer of Dreams

I loved the night. More than that I loved the night-creatures that followed me into the high grasses round the house. To the pond where the little carp plopped and plunked, and the lightning bugs flittered from stalk to stalk around and atop the murky waters. It’s where I had my first kiss. Right there in the water.

Deo Ambrose. A deep brown boy with a glossy head of “good hair”, a masculine nose and big, beautiful, long-lashed eyes. Dark eyes too, dark like spit-shined Oxfords. On my first day at Greengrass Middle School, Deo was the one who picked up my fallen schoolbooks off the floor when my classmate, Diamond Ferguson, told me my Afro made me look like an African bootyscratcher. I told her something about her mama and then we went to town.

I wound up on the floor, though, nose bleeding, chest shaking. I looked down, gasping with horror and happiness because I was holding a tuft of Diamond’s hair-weave in my fists. I couldn’t stop laughing, just sitting there on the floor, an absolute wreck, cackling away with her disgusting hair in my hands, blood dripping down my front.

It was Deo who wrenched me off the floor with his strong arms. Made me feel womanish in the course of five seconds.

“You okay?” He asked, balancing my Biology and U.S. History textbooks and my binder in the crook of his arm.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” I let out a scream of laughter. “Just fine. Thank you. Thank you.” My gaze dropped to my bookbag, spilling out my marble notebooks, pencil case, cosmetic bag and right on top of it all: my Grimoire.

Deo’s eyes had followed me to the scene of witchly evidence. “What’s that big-ass book?”

“A Bible!” I screeched through tight teeth, the veins in my neck sucking in. Swooping down, an eagle to its prey, I snatched up my bookbag and took everything from him with an appreciative nod, backpedaling the opposite way of my locker. ”Thanks for everything, boy! Haha! Bye!”

© October Douglass , All rights reserved.

(do not reblog)

1

Hello, all! Thanks for the follow. :)

Witch Woman Religion

Braided, silken strands of magic.

Eyes flung open in honeyed fear.

Catch the raindrops, falling, falling.

Heed the Earth with spiritual ears.

In the Glory of My Morning Part I

3

“Men have magic”, says my uncle, “but blessed is the man who knows his magic, for his gendered spirit is privy to the secrets of the world that women have fought to protect.”

 In my uncle’s house there are four bedrooms and fifteen windows. All sorts. Louvers, Georgian, bays, Venetian, some as round as moons. The furniture is made from every wood imaginable, all by his hand, lacquered and painted and given trinkets of gold and silver locks, frivolous designs on each that remind me of Victorian wingtip hourglasses.

How many lifetimes go by in a day wasted? Every Sunday, the routine begins. I ask myself the question in the mirror and slip into the ritual of whoring my gifts out for people who would trample,  attack, cast out, murder, rape and destroy me for being myself. My fingers dart across the Hammond organ with the speed of a dervish, bellowing the notes into the air so that the congregation will pretend to praise the Prince of Peace. But I really know they’re praising me. Hyped from the sound of the music and my Baroque genius, forever lost in the cacophony of “high church”.

Then it’s over. I resume my post in the shadows. For the church is no place for a faggot, thus saith the Lord. Out of everything I’ve hoped to achieve in life, this is not it. The sound of my feet clacking across the pavement of Waterman Street, the yellowish faux-marble of the church floors and the sanctuary carpet that’s the color of wine ebbs away at my will to live inside of my truth. It is safer, somehow, to conceal what your soul instinctively knows is a sin to conceal.

Don’t tell no one, Orlando, don’t even tell Jesus. But Jesus already knows. I’m lucky to get a bone thrown at me. I’m lucky to keep my spirit intact. They gave Him forty lashes for proclaiming himself as the Messiah. Will they give me forty because I take great joy in opening my legs for another man’s penis? Will they give me forty because I have betrayed the Black Race and forty for bringing shame upon the Black Man and degradation to the Black Woman? Will they give me another forty because they have suffered a witch to live? And, at the end, will they lash themselves for believing a lie and sheltering this whore-mongering carrier of the Second Original Sin who has twisted the doctrines of the righteous and been consummated on a bed of lust with the Devil?

  All these questions burn and bubble below the surface whenever they speak to me. But I want to shout. I want to pray down the walls of the church and overturn temples and chase out the money-lenders and scream that, no, I have never “known” a woman, and my virginity cannot be imprisoned in a box of the false expectations of procreation. That isn’t me. To say I’m with sin is to say that you are the Keeper of the stones which the Messiah thought of when he spoke of the sinless casting the first one. It’s time for a victim’s revenge.

For Gold & Indigo

2

The African Woman stands ramrod straight, 
Manacled, destroyed, generationally raped. 
With red marks around her hips and wrists, 
the eyes bulged out, her psyche runs thin.
Her daughter is the nigger-maid on roughened knees, 
lapping up the piecemeal of a life unclean. 
Spirits full of blood now flock to the fore,
Their tongueless tricks love the African whore. 
The African Woman cannot take to give,
Her breasts are uplifted to the mouth of sin. 

The African Man kowtows in a pit, 
Bullwhipped and castrated, with immorality swift.
Acts of destruction and possessions of rage,
as a man his emotions are called the source of his stain.
His son is the Black Buck with a phallus that’s cursed, 
existing to murder the evils of his birth. 
Good drops of Ole Massa’s blood from his-story’s pot, 
Phenomenal hatred, the noose of the plot. 
The African Man is controlled to believe, 
that his power comes from what hangs between his knees.

Old Woman Religion: Excerpt from my Novel

The first time I ever danced with death was when I was ten years old. Precocious like a curious flower that blooms before its brothers and sisters, I saw everything and sought to conquer it. When boys tried to threaten me around, I’d punch them on every inch of their body till they apologized, then best them all at basketball, racing and swimming. When girls tried to make me be the ugly, uncultured duckling, there was none of them that could say a damn word when I showed up at school the next day wearing some of my Granny’s makeup and carrying around the pink family copy of Miss Manners.

Yet all my adventurous spiritual energy couldn’t face down the wiles of Mr. Thorns. He lived in a shanty off Ricebird Road, the same road my schoolbus passed every morning and noon, where the kids would cast pencils and rocks and leftover lunch bits on his weedy front lawn. Sometimes you could hear him screaming from within: “Yes! Yes, my children! More garbage, more garbage! Cast all your cares upon me! FOR I AM THE SON OF GOD!”

“White trash! White trash! Mr. Thorns is white trash!” we sang from the open bus windows. The bus driver didn’t seem to care. She just rolled her eyes each time and touched the little pendant of Jesus dangling off her rearview mirror as though He would protect her from whatever evils awaited anyone who teased Mr. Thorns.

None of us ever saw Mr. Thorns. We just knew he’d been in there since 1964, rotting away, white and fat and ugly and crazy.

It was the last Saturday before graduation when I saw Mr. Thorns. Granny had sent me and Virginia to Rootworks to get a Santa Margarita candle, two jars of honey and a new mojo bag. She told us to take the ‘safe road’, Sykes Street, to and fro, and to never go towards Mr. Thorns house, lest we want our asses whooped. Miss Erica-Anne Bowen, half a century old yet always looking no older than thirty, owned Rootworks, and gave us everything on discount. She forever looked so pretty in her cap of white-blonde hair and sea-green cardigan.

“Y’all just get whatever you need,” she said, “I’ll be in the storeroom.”

 Smelling of Carolina jasmine and wax, the shop was piled with candles, herbs, statuary and aged grimoires written in Latin, Hebrew, Arabic, Sanskrit, Greek and Cherokee. When I brushed my fingertips against the spine of a grimoire that belonged to a 14th Century Italian astrologer, a little shock pricked me and I swooped back, blinking sweat from my eyes. Serpent-swift, I bought everything we needed while Virginia lollygagged in a corner, reaching out to touch the statue of a Black mermaid with three breasts.

“Now why in the hell would somebody need three breasts?” she roared.

Miss Bowen wasn’t having any of it. She clapped her hands together. “I think it’s time for you gals to leave!” she screeched.

A spirit-doll fell off the shelf at Virginia’s feet, one with red hair and blue eyes—just like her. This was the first warning.

Rushing out with the little bag of wares, I took Virginia by the wrist and muttered, “can you not think of any more ideas to get us killed, Gin?”

On the way home, we walked along the side of the ‘safe road’, kicking little pebbles into the sewage pits beside us.  

“I’m bored, what d’you wanna do?” I said. The only music we could hear was the silent hum of passing the cars and the beginning choruses of crickets.

“I dunno,” said Virginia. “My parents said I can spend the night, though. Although my mama didn’t really want me to.”

I rolled my eyes so hard I thought they’d fall out of my head. “She still prejudiced?”

Virginia gave me a look that could scorch meat. “What d’you think? Y’all are Black. And y’all are witches.”

“Yeah, but ain’t nobody know we witches,” I hissed. My grandmother will kill me if I ever speak like this in front of her.

Virginia let out a piggish snort. “All Black people are witches.”

I couldn’t disagree.

“Let’s go mess with Mr. Thorns.” The words came out of my mouth slicker than water. I’d never been the one to rabble up trouble on purpose. This was Virginia’s task in life. She looked at me with eyes that said “the hell?” and then shook her head, ginger curls swaying around like fiery curtains.

“You’re crazy,” she said, “nobody’s ever messed with him before. What d’you expect us to do? Walk up on his grass and moon him?”

My shrug was the answer. “Maybe. Or we could start shouting nonsense at him. That’ll really make him mad. Then we run.”

I was stupid for suggesting it. Virginia was even stupider for agreeing with me, traipsing away from the safe-road down the path that led past his house. It emerged from the high weeds moments into sundown, the familiar place of purple-and-blue rotted wood, with an American Flag sashed across the front door. The house rested on concrete slabs, and I swore I saw a night-creature scurry around in the dank, shit-smelling hovel.

When my sandaled Black foot took root on the hot grass of that barefooted White man’s house, something inside me screamed, “leave! Leave now!” I ignored the hell out of the sensation, staring at the house, Virginia’s hand laced in mine.

“Kippa-kippa-yippie-yippie-chick-a-doo!” We began to bark one of our childhood cadences, total nonsense. “Kippa-kippa-yippie-yippie-chick-a-doo! Cluck for me, cluck for you! Cluck for a doggy who looks like doo-doo!”

Virginia screamed and pointed to my left, tripping over a rock, unknowing of what to say. I felt a warmth near my body, sickly and unwelcomed, and I spun round on one heel, staring at Mr. Thorns. He wasn’t White at all. He was Black—Blacker than me. Like beautiful, sun-soaked tar. With a livid face, Mr. Thorns lunged, brandishing a filthy knife.

“C’mere, girl! C’mere! Let me be your Christ!” One of his muscled arms took me by the waist, and the ground dropped away from me, and I couldn’t leave his grip. The world was hazy, unreal. Virginia was yelling obscenities, me shouting to the top of my voice, clawing at his oily skin, unable to feel rage because his arm was pressing onto my ovaries.

The knife swung down, missing my face by the grace of an angel. It swung again and I ducked, my little fingers grasping at his wrists and it threw it all off course, grazing his shoulder. He roared at me. I kicked, but my feet did nothing against his rock of an abdomen, and then his hand was mashing against my vagina.

Virginia appeared at my side, crying, “duck!”, and as I did so the Rootworks bag clanged against Mr. Thorns’ face. Once. Twice. Three times. Four times. I fell on the fourth, my breaths ragged, my entire body furnace-hot, and the both of us sped into the bushes, abandoning all.

My Granny did not beat me. She did not chastise me. She remained as calm as death while she cleaned us off, then sent Aunt Arella to take Virginia home. As though she were collecting science samples, Granny took some of Mr. Thorns’ blood that had smeared across my chest and mixed it with the grass and dirt from his lawn that was on my body and placed it into a glass jar. I watched her throw a lit match into the jar while she whispered words I couldn’t understand and her eyes became bloodshot with rage and power.

In three days Mr. Thorns fell dead.

Boys Will Be Boys…And Then Some

The night smells good and so does the boy, whose face I can clearly see through the pretty orgy of streetlights and moonlight through the window. He’s lying next to me in a pool of boyish cotton. I can’t see him but I know he’s smiling. I can smell the bathsoap, fresh, on his skin. D.

“You be the husband,” I say.

“And you can be the wife,” D finishes for me.

An arm snakes around my neck. That touch. Makes my chest fill up like the sun is in there. This fiery feeling isn’t foreign, and I know it’s because he’s behind me, naked as an autumn tree, legs wrapped over mine, kissing into my neck. Breathing grunts into my ear. Thrusting up against my backside so I can feel his ding-a-ling growing between the no-no spot they call booty-cheeks.

“Okay, now you be the husband,” D says.

A raw ‘no’ echoes in my head. I don’t want to be the husband. I can’t be. It isn’t right. All I want to be is the wife.

I lean back and kiss him like how I saw Jack and Rose kiss on the Titanic.

“I like that,” he says from wet lips.

“Me too.” Neither of us can stop giggling. It doesn’t matter that my parents are snoring in the next room.

Swift like javelins, we’re rolling around in the bed, facing each other, forever pecking kisses and rubbing together, unknown to the world. The only one who can see us is God. All I want is to stay here  with D. Feel him. Intensely. The only way I know how.

And though D doesn’t know it yet, he’s my boyfriend.

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An autobiographical vignette of the childhood friend I had who was my first boyfriend. Do not reblog.

Incognito Intelligentsia

Seasons change

The Earth keeps moving

But the minds of people continue to rot

The noose around the Brain is tightening, tightening, tightening still

Images with the physical characteristics of shame

Turn love and evil

Into a thing that loves to kill

Where are the unsung sheroes and heroes

To be ye ready for the Trumpet Call?

My words are a fallacy

My dreams are a fantasy

Waiting for life to turn itself into a victim-turned-martyr-turned-diviner-magician

Witches of the intellect

Singing intelligentsia’s lullaby

Sing on! Shout!

Can’t turn for running, so scared, feels like death has come to rape the air

Can’t breathe for screaming

Eyes bloodshot, gun on my back, feels like my skin gon’ rot

So many shattered Kings & Queens lie

Empty

Broken

Beaten

Thrown

In repose

At the bottom of the sea of a would-be victory

People laugh and people joke

‘Cause they’ve never had a fist on their throat

Threatening those concepts will not bring peace

Just revolve around your Self

Like the Earth in full bloom

You’ll be at ease

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© October Douglass , All rights reserved.

Peace, Love & Light

We are One. 

No way to fall.

The distant dream plays hide and seek,

The whispering from gulch to brink,

It leaps and dives and never ends.

And with this ink I place the truth.

Soft images rise from the blue.

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© October Douglass , All rights reserved.

The Unexceptional Negro

2

I will not bow down to the white gaze

Dip my fingers in that poison honey

Taste that sweet death

Have my dreams bled upon

By fresh-plucked organs of hatred

No.

I will not worship your cream-colored gods

Or sit at the table of pale-hearted thinkers

For if art is beauty

And beauty is life,

Why is art only beautiful when the artist is white?

I will not sing from the soulless place

Warbling high notes for the beauty of high culture

I will sing with my throat

Crying, weeping, screaming, laughing, kicking

Till my voice lives no more

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© October Douglass , All rights reserved.

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